


Safe Space

by jordahparrish



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec accidentally comes across as homophobic, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Brief suicidal thoughts, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magnus turns 18, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordahparrish/pseuds/jordahparrish
Summary: At Magnus's 18th Birthday Party, Alec realises he's missed out many chances to confess his attraction to his best friend, and he also realises that it may be too late to win him over.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of 'A Little Party Never Killed Nobody' which was requested! I hope you enjoy it, I know I certainly enjoyed writing all the angsty moments.

Alec was pretty sure Magnus had been somewhat infatuated with Camille Belcourt for a short while, and who’d blame him, she was this beautiful girl. Long dark hair, long legs, lips painted red day in and day out. She was perfection. Even if Alec didn’t like her, he knew she was perfect. And he was. Himself.

Of course, that didn’t change his mind when Magnus invited him to his party - okay that was a given seeing as they were really close. Best friends even. Friends. That was all. They were nothing more. There was nothing else.

If only there was.

Magnus was beautiful, stunning. Far better than Camille. Alec had first noticed how beautiful Magnus was when they were fourteen, in Magnus’s swimming pool - just the two of them, Magnus’s mother was inside at the time and they were alone. And they were close. Body to body close. Magnus had been playfully grinning at Alec, it was for fun - but he didn’t realise just how much he had teased Alec when he joked about kissing him. Alec had been speechless, wishing he could have surged forward and crash their lips together. Nothing ever came of it. Nothing.

They were inseparable in high school, Alec would wait by Magnus’s locker, a smile growing whenever the boy skipped over. And it became routine. Until Junior year where Magnus never skipped over, he strolled over, side by side with Camille looking at her with a gaze that reminded Alec of the swimming pool. And it hurt. Then again, Alec was in no place to think these thoughts. He was only Magnus’s best friend, if Magnus was happy, he was happy.

Even if he wasn’t truly happy.

The day of Magnus’s 18th Birthday party came and Alec was surprised to say the least. It was a known fact around the school that Magnus didn’t drink, he had just never sought after any form of alcohol. Yet when Alec arrived with a duvet folded in his arms, Magnus was drinking out of a bottle (it wasn’t even a single serve bottle, but rather the sharing type).

“Alexander!” Magnus cheered as Alec entered the house, “have you tried this before? It’s really good.”

Alec let out a small laugh, “can I put my duvet down?”

”Right, your duvet!” Magnus smiled, “just put it in here,” he led Alec to the spare room. 

The memories of that room ran through Alec’s head. Magnus had come out to him in that room. He explained his bisexuality and how he was scared that it might affect their friendship. Alec promised it wouldn’t. He would have come out that day but… The Gods were against him, his mother walked in before he could say anything. Then there had been the night where Alec stayed in the spare room, he had been messaging Magnus throughout the night seeing as Magnus was upstairs. He had said how he was cold and he couldn’t sleep properly. Then Magnus had appeared in the doorway and stayed with Alec the entire night, they were lying side by side, facing one another. And Magnus had even held Alec’s hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. Alec was certain he was in love with Magnus that night.

“Earth to Lightwood,” Magnus had called as he leaned on the doorway, “are you alright?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Sorry by the way, Ragnor already called dibs on this bed.”

“It’s okay, I’ll sleep on the living room floor,” he smiled, “so… where is everyone?”

“Outside at the bar.”

“The bar?”

“Come on!” Magnus chuckled, grabbing Alec’s hand and pulling him throughout the house to the back garden, Alec smiled. Magnus’s hand around his was perfect. He never wanted to let go. Outside, there was a temporary bar set up, with a girl with long dark hair behind it, a smile plastered on her face as she spoke to another girl over the bar. Then Alec’s attention turned back to his hand as Magnus slipped away from his own. 

Magnus had also wandered off. Alec sighed, so he hd bored Magnus already. He approached the bar and smile politely to the girl, “hi, can I just have a water?”

”Why yes you may,” the girl smiled, Alec recognised her from Magnus’s photos. Even though he was Magnus’s best friend, he had never met the girl. She hummed as she handed him a bottle, “you’re Alec, right?”

“Yeah,” Alec smiled.

She nodded, “I’m Catarina.”

“Oh! I’ve been hoping to put a name to the face.”

“Magnus doesn’t talk about me? Boo. He talks about you all the time.”

”He… He does?”

”Oh yeah,” Catarina giggled, “he cancels on me all the time to hang out with you. You’re his best friend, right?”

”Yeah,” Alec didn’t notice it himself but apparently there was some disappointment in his voice as Catarina raised an eyebrow.

“You want more, don’t you?”

“What?”

Catarina smiled and leaned forward, “I think you should go for it, he’s young, free and single. Why not have a go?”

Alec let out an awkward laugh, “he’s not into me.”

“Oh?”

”I’m sure of it.”

“Alright,” Cat sighed, “but I can still put a word in for you?”

”No. No. I’m not- He doesn’t know I’m gay.”

“Oh?” Cat’s eyes widened, “you ever think maybe that’s why he doesn’t seem to have a thing for you?”

“I know he doesn’t like me,” Alec shrugged, “and I’m okay with that. I like being his friend.”

Alec took the bottle and backed away from the counter, smiling as he opened it. He spotted Magnus next to Camille - go figure. Then Magnus caught Alec’s eye and flashed a smile. He looked odd and then turned away, Alec ducked his head when Camille turned to glare at him.

“They’re never going to last,” a vicious voice made Alec jump, he turned to see Raphael Santiago by his side, “she’s manipulative and he’s…”

”In love with her,” Alec sighed.

“No,” Raphael snorted, “he thinks he is, but he’s not. It’s not love. I don’t know what he’s doing but, it’s not love.”

Alec pulled a face and looked down, “do you think… He’s in love with anyone at all?”

Raphael placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “Magnus in love, let me think about it…” Raphael began to chuckle, “Dios mio, you really aren’t the wisest are you?”

“Huh?”

Raphael only patted his shoulder and then turned away. Alec rolled his eyes and searched the crowds of students for someone that would be entertaining. 

“Alec!” He turned around at the shrill voice of Lydia, “you have to come to the photobooth with Raj and I, please?”

“Photobooth? Magnus has a photobooth?”

“Oh yeah,” Raj laughed, “it’s got a green screen, you select the background,” Raj clapped his hands together, “you in?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah sure.”

And so he followed them back inside the house to a small set up photobooth, Lydia and Raj rushed into it and Alec slowly followed, giving a quick smile to the guy who was running it. They had already taken two photos when Magnus poked his head through the curtain.

“Mind if I join?” He smiled and Alec waved him in quickly. 

They took three more photos, each with silly faces. Okay, Alec’s face in the last one wasn’t exactly silly, he had been looking down at Magnus with a loving expression covering his face whilst his best friend’s hand was on his chest. Way to be subtle.

”The party has arrived!” Somebody cried out as they entered the house, Alec knew immediately that it was Jace. He turned to see the blond carrying two bags (most likely filled with bottles of alcohol) and behind him, Clary and Izzy. Izzy had stayed with Clary to get ready so she didn’t arrive with Alec.

“Alec, you came after all!” Izzy cheered, it was clear to Alec she had been drinking in advance.

“Izzy,” Clary turned to the girl with a bright smile, “let’s go outside, Magnus has a swingset, right Magnus”

”Right.” Magnus nodded.

The swingset. Alec and Magnus were eight when Magnus’s mother bought the swingset, she said it could be their safe place. If they were ever scared, they could go to the swingset and talk. Of course when they were thirteen, Alec had woken from a bad dream one night and made his way to Magnus’s room. Then they’d sneak through the house and out the back door to sit on the swingset in the dark. And they’d talk. For hours. Sometimes Magnus would sit on one swing and make Alec sit on his lap. Other times they’d sit on the separate swings facing each other. Most nights, they’d run back inside and Alec would join Magnus in his bed, then they’d cuddle. 

Alec had always loved to cuddle Magnus. When he was sixteen, he realised the swingset wasn’t his safe place. Magnus was his safe place. He always looked back to that day in the pool and wished he had been quick to lean in and kiss Magnus. 

Speaking of pools, a loud splash awoke Alec from his imagination and he looked out through the patio doors to see people jumping into the pool one by one.

“Who actually does that?” Alec commented, watching as Simon Lewis was one of the people that actually did that.

“Come on Alec,” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand and began to pull him outside, “you love the pool-”

“N-no, I’m not jumping in,” Alec shook his head, “I don’t feel like it.”

“Suit yourself,” Magnus shrugged and then ran off, pulling off his shirt as he did. He then jumped in the pool and created a much bigger splash than Simon had. Alec shifted uncomfortably as he watched Magnus emerge from the water again. He began to fiddle with his shirt, hoping nobody would notice what was going on with him… Down there.

It was embarrassing but Alec was a teenage boy with teenage hormones and Magnus Bane soaking wet was testing him big time. He stopped focusing on Magnus, instead turning to head back to the bar. Catarina was leaning over the bar, laughing with another guy. Alec was certain he was Ragnor. He watched them but decided against approaching them and instead stood the opposite side of the bar. He closed his eyes, wanting to forget about seeing Magnus like that, wanting to forget about the image of Magnus soaked in water and still looking like the most gorgeous human of all time. 

He opened his eyes and instead focused on the fact that Izzy and Clary were dancing along to the song that was currently playing, Izzy was screaming along with the words as though she’d die if she didn’t. Okay, seeing his sister drunk was hilarious and it was definitely distracting him from the thoughts of a wet Magnus.

Until Magnus decided to walk over to the bar in his soaking wet clothes, shivering slightly.

“That may have been a mistake,” he laughed as he stopped next to Alec. Alec fought as much as he could to look away from Magnus but it was proving difficult, “are you alright Alec?”

”Huh? Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

”Thinking about someone?” Magnus followed Alec’s line of sight which landed on Clary (Alec hadn’t even realised he was looking at anyone).

”What? God, no! I wasn’t… I was… I-”

“I get it, jealous of your sister,” Magnus shrugged, “we all get jealous sometimes.”

”Shut up,” Alec growled, “I’m not into Clary at all like that.”

“Right,” Magnus nodded, obviously not believing Alec’s denial.

“I’m not!” Alec threw his arms out narrowly missing hitting Magnus 

“Now, now, I know you’re in denial, no need to get aggressive.”

“Fuck this,” Alec hissed, and stormed away from Magnus and the bar. He seemed to have caught the attention of his sister since he heard her heels on the ground rushing after him.

”Alec,” she gently grabbed his hand, “what’s up? Why’d you… Why’d you speak to Magnus like that?”

”I just want to be alone Iz,” Alec whispered, “I don’t want to be here.”

“Hey,” she hushed him and followed him into the house, “just take a moment, take a breath, then come back out. Don’t be the party drama queen.”

“Party drama queen?”

“Every party has one.”

”I’m not a drama queen,” Alec frowned, “can you just keep Magnus away from me at least? I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

”Why not?”

”I just don’t, he’s… He’s just being… Ugh!”

”Yeah, that’s a totally plausible reason to keep your best friend away from you,” Izzy mimicked Alec, “because ‘ugh’. Alec, what’s going on here?” Alec had walked to the spare room, where he had felt safe with Magnus many times before. Once in there the siblings sat down on the bed, “you know you can tell me anythi-”

”I’m in love with him, Iz.”

Izzy froze.

“I’m in love with him. I get it, you don’t need to like me for it, but if I don’t tell someone right now I’m going to be a mess and I refuse to cry at a party. But I love him and… He…”

”I didn’t even know you were-”

”Nobody did,” Alec looked down, “Magnus doesn’t even know.”

“Why not?”

”There was one time, where I felt confident enough to tell him but… I couldn’t - his mother came in before I could say anything. Since then I’ve never been brave enough to say it, he keeps trying to match me up with his friends, girl friends. He never knows that I want him.”

”At least he’s trying to be a good friend,” Izzy shrugged, rubbing Alec’s back with one hand, “we’ll figure it out soon Alec, remember there are many many more people out there for you.”

”Like?”

”Raj?”

They both sat in silence before beginning to chuckle, “me and Raj?” Alec shook his head, “please, never going to happen.”

“Imagine though,” Izzy giggled. 

Alec shook his head, “please don’t make me do that.”

They both turned when there was a knock at the door, and then Magnus walked in.

“I’ll leave you two it,” Izzy stood up and passed Magnus in the doorway, stopping briefly to place a hand on Magnus’s chest, “be gentle Magnus, he’s not in a good place right now.”

Magnus nodded and then glanced over to Alec, a look of sorrow covering his face, “Alec.. Whatever I said… Whatever I’ve done. I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you in anyway.”

”It doesn’t matter,” Alec mumbled, “I really don’t care.”

“What did I do?”

”It doesn’t-”

”Tell me, Alec. You’re my best friend, my world, I’d be broken without you around, I don’t want to lose you.”

There was the ‘best friend’ drop.

“Best friend,” Alec repeated, hoping he didn’t seem to hurt by those words, “I… I just… I’m struggling Magnus. I don’t know what to do anymore, everything just hurts, whenever I look at… This person, I want to break down crying because I can never have them.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “Alec, girls would be mad to turn you down.”

“It’s not… I mean…” 

Alec was going to risk it. He was going to lean in and finally kiss Magnus as he had always wanted. Perhaps Magnus would kiss back, perhaps they’d end up together after all. He placed both hands palm down on the bed and slowly edged closer to Magnus and closed his eyes and-

”Magnus!” A cry called out.

“Oh, Camille, I better go see what she wants,” Magnus jumped up - he had had no clue that Alec was about to kiss him. 

When he was alone in the room, he wanted to scream but I would only draw attention to him. He stood up and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

“Why are you so fucking difficult, Alexander?” He asked himself, “so fucking difficult.”

He left the room, passing Magnus and Camille who were sat at the bottom of the stairs having a conversation. He decided to go back out to the party outside. Izzy was whispering in Clary’s ear and that instantly sent Alec into red alert. He stormed over to Izzy and glared at her.

”What so the instant I feel okay to tell you, you go and blurt it out to Clary? Thanks Iz, fantastic sister.”

”What?” Clary looked around innocently, about to argue back with Alec.

”I trusted you Iz, but how am I supposed to trust you when you do shit like this. You know what, I can walk home, I really don’t want to be here anymore.”

”I didn’t tell her!” Izzy snaped.

“Then what were you telling her?” Alec scoffed, “because really, what could be so fuckin-”

”I was asking her out,” she crossed her arms, smirking when Alec was surprised, “yeah Alec, you’re not the only gay member of this family.”

”Wait what?” Clary’s eyes grew wide as she looked at Alec.

”Izzy!”

”Okay, that was a mistake,” Izzy held up her hands, “and you know it was.”

”You are so lucky that Clary is the only one that heard that,” Alec shook his head, “otherwise I’d be throwing you in the pool.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” Izzy held up her hand to swear to her brother.

”Don’t talk about me,” Alec quietly requested, “otherwise you might let it slip again.”

”Alright, alright,” Izzy sighed, “if Magnus talks to me about you, I’ll have to answer him though. But I won’t tell him you love him.”

”What?”

”Izzy!”

”I’m sorry!”

“Clary,” Alec turned to the redhead who was shocked by the news, “can I trust you to keep an eye on my sister, she’s not in the right state to talk to anyone about me.”

“I’ll keep her on a leash.”

”Kinky,” Izzy commented, raising an eyebrow to Clary. 

Alec smiled to his sister briefly and then began to back away, only pausing to add a quick, “congratulations by the way, you guys are… good together.”

“Thank you,” Clary smiled.

Alec moved towards the pool, where Simon was still swimming in his clothes. Raphael was glaring at him from the side.

”I hate that kid,” he hissed.

“Are you thinking of drowning him?” Alec tilted his head.

”No,” Raphael shook his head, “because as much as I hate him, I love him too.”

“Oh,” Alec nodded, then paused, looking at Raphael who was not glaring but rather staring lovingly at Simon, “oh.”

“You didn’t know?”

”No. Is everybody gay?”

”Okay, well Simon’s Pansexual for a start, have you got a problem with us being anything other than hetero?”

”Wh-what? No, no!”

“Listen, just keep your heterosexual opinions away from anyone’s sexuality,” Raphael turned away.

”Wait, Raphael!”

”Sorry, I tune out straight people most of the time, I can’t hear you.”

”Raphael!”

He had walked away, Alec looked down at his feet. So now he’d get the reputation as the homophobic heterosexual. 

“I’m not straight,” he whispered to himself whilst nobody else was around, “in fact I’m very gay, very very gay.”

He shook his head and crossed his arms. He crouched down and brushed his hand against the water which was surprisingly warm compared to the cold air. For a moment, Alec wondered what it would feel like to emerge himself under the water and never surface again. He glanced back over his shoulder, seeing Izzy happy with Clary, and near them Jace was chatting up Lydia. He looked in front of him, seeing Raphael kneeling down the other side of the pool and talking to Simon. Alec closed his eyes and stood up. After a deep breath he jumped forward into the pool. 

Being underwater and cutting out all other sounds and goings on was heavenly, nobody would disturb him. He was in his own silence. The chlorine stung his eyes as he opened them, all he could see was the blue tinted water around him and in the distance of the water, Simon’s legs. Alec was certain that nobody had really took notice of him jumping in and that pleased him. He was at his own peace.

Somebody dragged him back up to the surface and he cursed whoever it was.

”Oh good, you’re still alive,” Raj smiled as he came face to face with Alec.

”That’s not a good thing,” Alec hissed back.

“You…”

”I’m not going to talk about this with you,” Alec pulled himself up onto the patio around the pool, he instantly began to shiver as he felt the cold wind against his wet clothes.

“I think you should,” Raj was still in the pool, talking up to Alec, “you just tried to-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

”What if I hadn’t brought you back up, Alec? What about Izzy? What about Max? Magnus? Your parents? They’d all be broken.”

”They’d be problem free.”

”No, they wouldn’t.”

Alec looked away from Raj, “can you just… Go focus on something else?”

Raj pulled a face, “Alec-”

”Go away.”

”Fine, but don’t try this again. For the sake of those who love you, you’re one of a kind Alec. Special, don’t take it for granted.”

Alec sat in silence as Raj pulled himself out of the pool and walked away. He was overcome with thoughts about what had just happen, how would people react if he had been successful? 

Raj was right, they’d be broken. Magnus wouldn’t be able to go into his backyard without breaking down. Izzy wouldn’t be able to leave her room. Max wouldn’t leave his either.

He wouldn’t admit it but, he regretted the single thought of ever leaving his family like that. He stood up and wrapped his arms around himself, he glanced over to Raphael and Simon who were watching him carefully and after a moment of eye contact he turned away and headed back to the patio door. He didn’t step inside, he just stood outside the open door and called in.

”M-Magnus? Can I… Can I have a towel?”

Magnus appeared a moment or so later, and cocked his head to the side, “pardon?”

”C-Can I have a towel p-please?”

”Of course,” Magnus smiled and ran off, Alec kept his arms wrapped around himself until Magnus made the triumphant return with a towel in his arms, “did you fall in the pool?”

”N-no, I… I jumped in, b-big mistake.”

Magnus nodded and placed the towel around Alec’shoulders, “come inside, I’ll clean up after you.”

“Th-thanks.”

Alec stepped into the warmth of the house, he was still shivering but he was warm. He smiled down to Magnus who had another towel in his hand, “sit down,” Magnus instructed, placing the other towel on the sofa so Alec didn’t worry about getting the seat wet. Alec took the seat and looked up to Magnus as he spoke again, “I’ll grab you some spare clothes.”

Alec nodded as Magnus rushed off again, he closed his eyes briefly. Thinking about a time when he and Magnus had been in the pool together. It was freezing outside but the water was so warm. Of course once they got out they were practically frozen. Magnus had raced him into the house and once they were both there (Magnus won) Magnus attacked Alec with a towel, rubbing the boy’s hair dry first and then wrapping the towel around Alec’s shoulders. He had said something along the lines of ‘your hair is so fluffy and cute’ and Alec had replied with a ‘just like you’. They both laughed it off but Alec was serious, he found Magnus fluffy and cute. Magnus was his safe space. 

“Here you go,” Magnus sat down next to him with a smile, “sweatpants and a sweater.”

“This is my sweater.”

”I know.”

”And these are my sweatpants.”

”I know,” Magnus chuckled, “you keep leaving stuff here, so I keep it. They’re very cosy.”

Alec smiled at Magnus, “and here I was, hoping that I’d be stretching out your clothes.”

“I’d never let you,” Magnus shook his head, “my prized sweaters.”

Alec wished he could kiss Magnus right there but his confidence dipped, he couldn’t do it, he only flashed a smile. 

* * * * *  
Within a few hours, the party had died down and Alec was ready to sleep. He had set his duvet and pillows out on the floor and pulled the covers over him. Lydia and Jace were asleep on the sofa, spooning (Alec had to congratulate them on finally ridding the sexual tension) and Izzy and Clary were as well - or they were close to it, Alec could hear several noisy kisses from them which only made him cringe. 

A moment later Alec was joined by Magnus, “hey buddy.”

”Magnus,” Alec smiled brightly, “wh-what are you doing here?”

”I don’t want to go upstairs, I feel like I’ll be separating myself from the party.”

“Right.”

”I mean if Camille were here, I’d probably sleep by her.”

”Yeah,” Alec frowned, stupid Camille.

“Hey, “ Magnus whispered once he was under the covers, “remember when we used to cuddle?”

”Of course.”

”Can we cuddle now? I bet you still love them.”

”Well, I haven’t cuddled anyone since we last cuddled,” Alec replied in honesty, “but sure.”

Magnus decided to get comfortable on his back and then pulled Alec onto his chest, Alec willingly rest his head on Magnus’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was calming, but also weird. It had been so long since he and Magnus had cuddled.

They remained comfortable for a short while until Magnus spoke up again, making Alec more uncomfortable than he had ever been before, “I wish Camille was here.”

Goodbye any chance of romance. Goodbye happy thoughts. Goodbye any positivity that Alec may have had beforehand. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore it.

”I mean like… It’s nice, I guess, liking someone who likes me back.”

”I wouldn’t know,” Alec answered bitterly, only of course he had made sure his tone of voice was more full of sorrow. 

“You’ll find someone one day Alec.”

”Except, whenever I want someone, like really want them, they don’t want me at all.”

“Alec…”

Alec buried his face into Magnus’s shirt, “don’t worry, I just kind of want to sleep now.”

A moment or two of silence, then they shifted so that they were facing each other but one of Magnus’s legs was placed perfectly between Alec’s. Alec thought perhaps they’d just be drifting off to sleep, and he almost was. But once again.

”Hey, Alec.”

”Mm?”

”Do you like vampires?”

“Uh, yeah, sure?”

Magnus chuckled and stretched forward, Alec was definitely not sleeping once he felt Magnus’s teeth nip at his neck. He jumped back and looked Magnus in the eyes.

“M-Magnus.”

”Sorry, that wasn’t that funny, was it?”

”N-no, no it was funny,” he let out a nervous laugh, “I just… I…”

Magnus smiled politely to Alec and then turned over so his back was to Alec. Alec moved forward and wrapped his arms around his friend.

“Magnus, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

”I… Well I think… Do you have a crush on me?”

”What?” Magnus did not seem to like that accusation, “please, Alec. I’m not… I don’t have a crush on you. Let me guess, you think because I like guys and you’re a guy that I have a crush on you. Well newsflash, I don’t have a thing for every single person in the world just like you don’t have a thing for every single girl out there. You’re just… Just another silly straight white boy who thinks everyone wants to fuck him, well they don’t, I don’t. You’re not that good looking. I can’t believe that you actually think I’d have a crush on you, God,” Magnus threw the covers away and escaped Alec’s grip, not that it was a difficult escape, Alec was too hurt to do anything.

Magnus had assumed something completely wrong, then again Alec may have chosen the wrong way to go about asking that.

Alec gripped the duvet and held it close, hoping it would stifle any sobs that may have escaped. One night. One night it took him to ruin everything. He closed his eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep, hoping Magnus would forget all about that the next morning.

* * * * * 

He didn’t.

In fact he made a point of remembering it, he didn’t speak to Alec, didn’t smile. He only focused on the others. He didn’t even say goodbye when Alec and Izzy were leaving, well he said godbye to Izzy but to Alec he said nothing. 

Alec had royally fucked up, and all because he went the wrong way about getting Magnus. He himself was a fuck up, the most fucked of fuck ups.

He had decided to stay silent the entire way home, only offering hums when Jace asked him a question from the driver’s seat. Izzy and Clary had been asleep in the backseat of the car. Alec knew Jace had noticed him distancing himself. Alec just didn’t want to speak to anyone, he closed his eyes and looked out the window, he could stay silent and maybe if he did, people would stop bothering him. 

As soon as Alec got home, he went up to his room and curled up in bed once he had put the duvet and pillows in place. Magnus hated him. 

Alec ended up sleeping the day away, until he was called down to dinner. Even then he made very little effort, still in the sweater and sweatpants he made his way downstairs and sat silently at the dinner table whilst he ate. Izzy had attempted to ask what was wrong but he ignored it, and once he had finished his dinner (well, eaten 1/5 of it), he left the table and made his way back upstairs. He felt numb without his best friend, without his best friend that he was absolutely in love with. He fell asleep again, how was being miserable so exhausting?

Before he knew it, he was being woken up for school, and he would have willingly been doing anything other than that. But, with a begrudged expression, he got dressed into a careless outfit and got ready for the school day ahead of him. Jace picked Izzy and Alec up at the regular time and this time didn’t make an effort to speak to Alec, he seemed to have got the message. Alec sat in the backseat, staring out of the window, dreading the fact that he had to face Magnus again.

When they were at the school, Alec didn’t want to leave the car. Everybody was going to hate him now, because he was an idiotic fuck up.

Somehow, his body stuck to his regular routine, get out of the car, walk along side Izzy and Jace, then continue walking when they stopped and only stop in front of Magnus’s locker. He stood for a moment, feeling lost and hurt. He took a quick glance over his shoulder and saw Magnus approaching the locker, smiling as he spoke to Raphael. However the smile dropped when he locked eyes with Alec, and instead of walking to the locker, he stopped and turned away. 

Alec took a breath and then rushed away from any carnage that might ensue. He ducked past people in the hallway and constantly felt as though they were talking about him, about him being a disgusting homophobe. He wished he could tell them the truth, that he was in love with Magnus Bane. 

The day was… Not the best.

In the labs, Alec and Magnus had always been lab partners. But Alec knew Magnus didn’t want to talk to him in this lesson. 

“Mr. Garroway,” Raphael called out as the lesson began, “I just think that some people need to know, that if a male is attracted to males, that doesn’t mean all males, don’t you agree.”

”Well, yes.”

Alec knew that Raphael was in fact talking about him. 

“Because, some ignorant homophobic assholes, like Alexander, like to ruin their friendship because they think their friend has a crush on them,” he turned with an evil glare, “face it kid, no girl wants to date you, why would Magnus’s standards be that low?”

”Raphael, that’s enough,” Luke growled, “you’re getting a detention.”

”Oh, it’s a pleasure, anything as long as I’m calling out the homophobic assholes for who they really are.”

“I’m n-not.”

”Stop talking,” Magnus hissed and then raised his hand, “Mr. Garroway, would it be okay if I switched partners? I’m not really comfortable anymore.”

“M-Magnus please don’t, you’re my best friend, I ca-”

“I’m not your best friend,” Magnus replied, not even looking at Alec.

“Magnus.”

He was ignored, and Magnus switched seats with Jace who had placed a sympathetic hand on Alec’s back.

Then at lunch, Alec was sat at a table alone, he’d usually sit with Magnus but that wasn’t going to happen for obvious reasons. He didn’t have any lunch, he wasn’t hungry, he couldn’t focus on food when he had ruined his one main friendship.

He watched Magnus walk alongside Raphael, laughing and joking about something. They made eye contact and then Magnus made a point of looking away. Alec wish he had the ability to rewind time, he’d go back to when they were fourteen, lean in and kiss Magnus there.

He jumped when a tray was dropped the other side of the table, “right,” Jace slapped his hand down on the table, “what the fuck is going on with you? What’s happened between you and Magnus?”

”I don’t want to talk about it.”

”Alec, please tell me, you’re like a brother to me.”

Alec hesitated, before letting out a sigh, “I ruined it. I asked if he had a crush on me, but I didn’t mean it as a straight boy asking a bi guy, I meant it as… As a gay guy… Asking the boy that he’s been in love with for four years.”

“You’re in love with him?” Jace leaned in and Alec slowly nodded, “that’s so cute, why don’t you just tell him?”

”I- I get nervous whenever I try to say something… And now he won’t let me talk to him for more than five seconds, even that’s a stretch.”

“Do you want me to tell him?”

”N-no, no, I need to tell him myself.”

* * * * *

He hadn’t managed to do anything for almost a week, but one quiet journey home he turned to the blond from the passenger’s seat, “can you drop me off at Magnus’s?”

”You sure?”

”Y-yeah, I’m going to try something.”

Jace nodded and took a different route so that they could pass Magnus’s house. Alec jumped out of the car and raced up to the front door, turning back to wave Jace off. He knocked on the door and nervously shuffled. The door opened, revealing Magnus’s mother.

“Alexander!” She grinned, “Magnus isn’t home yet.”

”He isn’t?” Alec cocked his head to the side, “right… H-has he told you anything?”

”Hm?”

”About me and him?”

”No?”

”We… We fell out. I said some stuff which was… Misunderstood, I mean I hadn’t said it in the right way.” 

Magnus’s mother shot him a sympathetic look, “come inside, dear,” once they were both in the living room she gave him a smile, “so… Tell me what happened?”

“I… Well… I… I said something that… That annoyed M-”

”Is it about his sexuality?” Mrs. Bane asked gently, “because I know he gets easily defensive about that.”

”You know?”

”Of course I know.”

”Right, well… At the party, we were cuddling and I asked him if he had a crush on me, b-but he thought I… He thought I was asking as a straight guy thinking everyone was attracted to me, but that wasn’t the case. I… I really like him. In fact, I kind of love him.”

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.”

Magnus’s mother began to chuckle playfully, “go wait for him in his room.”

”Don’t tell him I’m here, he won’t give me a chance to speak so, I need to take him by surprise.”

“Of course.”

Alec smiled and then rush away, he ran up the stairs to Magnus’s room. He smiled as he walked into the familiar setting, it was a wonderful feeling. He really hoped that Magnus would hear him out… Then again he could only hope. He sat on the bed and examined a small teddy bear that sat on the bedside table, with a smile he picked it up and held it in his lap.

He had given it to Magnus when he was ill, he had hoped it would make the boy feel better and it did make Magnus smile. Magnus did in fact love the bear. 

Hesitantly, Alec brought the bear close and took in it’s scent, it smelt just like Magnus and that was another thing he enjoyed. Magnus’s scent. It seemed so unique to Magnus alone. He smiled at the bear and then held it close to his chest. He felt comfort, the same comfort he had when Magnus had initially asked to cuddle him once again.

The door opened and Alec looked up, seeing Magnus frozen at the doorway.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

”I need to talk about the other night.”

”No,” Magnus shook his head, throwing the door closed behind him and marching towards Alec, “you don’t need to, I don’t need you in my life Alec.”

”Magnus,” Alec stood up, and they circled for a moment until Magnus pushed Alec back.

”Don’t talk! Just shut up! You’re a homophobic asshole that I don’t need in my life! I have better friends, friends that don’t think I’m going to have a fucking crush on them just because I like guys.”

“M-Magnus,” Alec whispered as he stepped back.

”Take the hint, I don’t want you in my life,” Magnus grabbed the necklace that Alec was wearing, “take this off, you’re not my best friend anymore. I don’t need you!”

Alec fought to keep on the necklace, they had shared the best friend necklaces when they were fifteen. Magnus had bought them and Alec had worn his ever since. He realised that Magnus wasn’t wearing his - probably because of their falling out. Magnus tried to tug the necklace off but Alec refused to let it break.

”I need you!” Alec snapped back, “I need you every single day! You’re my safe space, the swingset was yours and you’re mine. Every single day I need to talk to you because you keep me grounded, because… Because I love you,” with those last three words, Magnus’s expression changed from anger to confusion, “I’m not some straight white guy that assumed you had a crush on him because I’m a guy who… Magnus, I… I’m gay and I’m in love with you.”

”Y-you…”

“Since we were fourteen.”

”Alec…”

“But it doesn’t matter,” Alec whispered, realising he was still holding the bear in his hands, he passed it to Magnus and shrugged, “because you don’t like me like that, but I thought I should just… Let you know, so that you didn’t think I was just an asshole.”

He went to turn to open the door but instead, he was trapped between Magnus’s arms, the shorter boy had one hand placed on the door either side of Alec. The bear was no longer in Magnus’s hands but instead was on the floor, “I… I said those things because… I thought you were just being an ignorant straight boy.”

“And what about liking Camille?”

”I was trying to focus my mind on someone else.”

Alec let a smile play on his face, “well… I mean-”

”Can I kiss you, Alexander?”

”Yes, yes, of course, God, yes.”

Alec placed his back against the door and Magnus took a step closer, the hand that was holding onto the necklace moved around to cup the back of Alec’s neck. The nerves Alec felt before came back again, he was about to share his first kiss with the boy that he loved. Butterflies appeared in his stomach as Magnus’s other hand was placed on his waist. 

Then, after all these years of pining, he felt Magnus’s lips against his own. It wasn’t exactly fireworks and magic but it was something. He felt close to Magnus, like they could be together forever. It was amazing how well their lips worked together. Alec placed his hands on Magnus’s waist and tugged him closer.

They pulled back and shared a moment of silence.

“I’m so sorry, I- I shouldn’t have assumed that you were… I’m sorry.”

”It’s okay,” Alec shook his head and placed a kiss on Magnus’s forehead, “it’s okay.”

“I… I do love you, Alec. I do.”

Alec let out a small giggle, “I can’t believe I’m actually hearing those words from you.”

Magnus moved closer and rested his head against Alec’s chest, “so… My best friend-”

Alec took a sharp intake of breath, “best friend…”

”And… My boyfriend?”

“Yes! Best friend and boyfriend,” Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, “you’re mine now,” he chuckled, “my love.”

He hadn’t realised straight away, but when he heard a sniff, he knew that Magnus was in fact crying. He pulled back and looked down at the shorter one, Magnus tried to hide his face but eventually he looked up. Alec saw the tears falling down Magnus’s cheeks.

”Magnus, hey, what’s wrong?”

”I spent so long, thinking I had to get over you, but… Now I’ve got you.”

”You’ve got me,” Alec repeated with a nod, “you have me,” he placed a kiss on Magnus’s cheek. Magnus then decided to move them towards the bed.

“Cuddle me again, this time, as my boyfriend.”

“That reminds me, when you’re cuddling someone - even a friend - never say you’d rather be cuddling someone else,” Alec joked.

“Oh God, I did that, didn’t I?”

”Yes,” Alec laughed, “straight after you bit my neck.”

“Speaking of biting necks,” Magnus whispered as they both made themselves comfortable on the bed, he leaned over to Alec and pressed a quick kiss on his neck, before - once again - nipping his skin with his teeth. 

“You know, I really liked it when you did that at the party, and I like it now.”

Magnus continued to press kisses and gently nip against Alec’s neck, he let out a laugh and Alec jumped slightly, feeling the laughter against his skin, “you’re so cute Alec, I’m… I’m so sorry for assuming you were straight.”

“Stop talking,” Alec mumbled, pulling Magnus up to catch a kiss, it soon became heated and Alec may have tugged at Magnus’s shirt as they moved against each other.

“Not so fast Alexander,” Magnus chuckled, “I know we’ve both been desperately in love with each other for years but… Slow down.”

”S-sorry-”

”You’re just sexually frustrated, aren’t you?”

“Little bit,” he whispered, there was a brief moment of grinding but Magnus sat up.

“You’re so eager,” he whispered, “but not now dear, not now.”

Alec let out a small laugh, “just kiss me, Magnus.”

* * * * *

Alec woke the next morning, with his arms wrapped around Magnus. The shorter of the pair moved and turned over as he woke, smiling up at Alec. 

“We need to get ready,” Alec whispered.

”No, I want to stay here.”

“Think about it, we can flaunt our relationship,” he teased, “I’ll come out... We can… Hold hands, kiss, hug.”

”That does sound awfully tempting.”

“I can kiss you up against your locker,” Alec chuckled, still speaking in a low sleepy voice, “come on.”

”Fine, but if I don’t get kissed against my lockers I’ll be very upset,” Magnus joked, rolling his eyes as he threw the covers aside. Alec followed his movements, once he stood up he frowned.

“Do you have any more of my clothes here?”

”You left the clothes you were wearing to my party,” Magnus nodded, “mom washed them and asked me to take them back to you but… Obviously I didn’t, since I didn’t want to talk to you.”

”Then I’ll wear those,” Alec nodded, Magnus flashed him a smile and opened a drawer, Alec knew as soon as the drawer was open that other belongings of his wear kept in that drawer, he rushed over to Magnus’s side and smiled, “you have a drawer for me?”

”You leave stuff here so often,” Magnus chuckled, “your tartan scarf, that blanket you always used to sleep with, your winter gloves… I always forget to give them back to you.”

“Keep them,” Alec shrugged, “unless I really need them. I like that you have a drawer for me.”

Magnus nodded and then passed the shirt and jeans to Alec, “get dressed, we can be sentimental later.”

Alec nodded and placed the folded clothes on the bed whilst he undressed, he glanced over to Magnus briefly and saw that the shorter one was trying not to look over. He smiled and turned to Magnus, “I bet you wished we had done it last night.”

”No, I just think that… You look good.”

”Thanks,” Alec fought the blush that was trying to show on his cheeks. He pulled the shirt on and then the jeans. He turned around and cocked his head to the side, “our bear,” he whispered, he moved across the room to pick the bear up, “remember when I gave him to you?”

”Of course,” Magnus nodded, “I was ill and you visited me every day after school. You bought me the bear, and I’ve kept it by my side whenever I sleep. Even this last week.”

Alec took steps towards Magnus and held up the bear in front of his face, “love me,” he put on a voice, pretending to be the bear, “love me Mags, love me!”

Magnus grabbed the bear from Alec and held it to his chest, he then moved forward and wrapped his free arm around Alec, “if I had to choose between you and the bear… I’d choose the bear.”

”Well then,” Alec scoffed, placing his hands on Magnus’s waist and pushing him away slightly, “I guess I’ll go be miserable again.”

”No,” Magnus laughed, tugging Alec closer and leaning up to press a kiss on his lips, “you’re mine now Alexander.”

Alec continued the kiss for a few moments before pulling away, “you need to get dressed.”

“No,” Magnus cried, crossing his arms and pouting, “don’t make me.”

“Magnus!”

Magnus effortlessly pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans, “fine, but I want those locker kisses.”

“Yes, of course.”

* * * * * 

Alec only realised he hadn’t sent a text of reassurance to Izzy when she ran up to him the next morning, “Christ, Alec! I was so worried about you! You could have been hurt, or dead! Or-” she paused, noticing that the boys were holding each other’s hands, “or… Completely reconciling with Magnus and… Getting together?”

Magnus gave a nod.

”Congratulations!” She yelled, throwing her arms up in the air, “I’m so proud.”

“I think I was seconds away from being emotionally destroyed,” Alec whispered, making Izzy cock her head, Magnus dropped his, “Magnus was really angry, understandable. And he was about to pull my necklace off. Had he done that…”

“But I didn’t,” Magnus cheered suddenly, he leaned into Alec and gave him a kiss on the cheek, “and I’m glad I didn’t.”

“So why did you totally unfriend Alec if you wanted to be with him? Why did you tell him you didn’t want him?”

”I thought he was straight,” Magnus admitted, “and it was wrong of me to assume that.”

“I don’t care,” Alec turned to him, “the point is… We’re together now. We both know the truth.”

Many others were shocked to see the revelation of Alec and Magnus’s relationship, Raphael was close to protesting why Magnus was sat with Alec at lunch, until he witnessed them fiddling with each other’s hands over the table. And of course Camille was thrown. But nobody really protested them being together, in fact many people supported it.

Alec was glad, it took him a few words for his world to change, he was in love with his safe space and his safe space was in love with him. Sure he had been upset with the events of Magnus’s party but had none of that happened, he would have probably never been kissing Magnus up against the lockers.

Sure, curiosity killed the cat. But satisfaction brought it back.


End file.
